Firstly, pardon me for the title. I had no idea what to write as the good one. Hehe. Anyway, there’s no connection between the title and the contents. LOL. It might be looked random alphabets, but for me it’s something meaningful that’s why I put it as the title 🙂

I got so high tension to write after a year gap. What fueled me? Gratitude.

(this gap took hours…)

Too much silly-hurting moments so far, but it sharpened what He has purposed from the very first time. On the surface it looked like a perfect chaos, glorious madness, bad luck, and/or any other label. But only through the eyes of trust I saw it as a sweet act of tender love of God. That’s why I could not help myself for this overwhelming thankfulness.


I’m thankful for whatever that have passed. It might not change me to be the strongest person alive, but one thing for sure I’m now far stronger than I thought I would be. See I got the muscles now! 😉

I’m thankful for the sunsets I’ve ever seen. You guys have been living showing the beauty of things always comes up on time. Salute!

I’m thankful for you who have burried my dream. I know God is sovereign that no hair of my head will perish without His permission. So if He allowed it to be occurred, He has confidence that it’s good for me and He continued to take care of me. You can burry my dream, but you cannot burry my faith. Whoohoo! Anyway, what you had burried, apparently was a seed 😉

I’m thankful for the closed doors. Y’all directed me to the destined way I should go. Yay! I have stopped knocking on you, don’t be so flattered :p

I’m thankful for the open doors. You’ve welcomed me into the awe of the tangible miracles. Thank you for giving me a little glimpse of the fact that prayer works. Xoxo!

I’m thankful for all who despised me. Hmm actually it’s just a matter of point of view. Thank you for looking me so down. From that dephts I could see who you all really are. Real character was exposed not in front of the king’s eyes, but the maidservant’s. It might be unpleasant but at least you taught me any kind of people I don’t want to be 🙂

I’m thankful for the songs on my playlist. You took a great part of freshening my days! You’re swank. Manhi johayo! 😀

I’m thankful for you who treated me bad, spreaded an assumed rumors, and ruined my life. Well, the box office movies need fraudulent villains. So you were allowed by the Holy Director to harm me in order to bring out the best of me. Thank you for playing your role well. You would have your own credits from the successful story of mine. Next time you get another chance, try playing the protagonist one 😉 

I’m thankful for you who believed me when others blamed like they own the justice. Yay! Thank you for drawing me back to my sense when the reality turned upside down. We’ve been getting along through the wild whirlwind and the mild breeze. I got the point that only fireproven love can find a diamond in the mudflow. Your faith doped me. Jjang!

I’m thankful for the bubble tea I’ve ever sipped in any given time and place. You know how much I love you. Let’s grow old together! 

I’m thankful for them who loved me more because of my good deeds and loved me less because of my flaws. It affirmed me how unconditional God’s love is. No offence, it’s my tendency too. We are human biased by performance needs to be forgiven and loved.

I’m thankful for the hundred days of blue sky gazed from my mini-backyard. You’ve been a lover to my eyes and the soul to my smiles. You’ve known all my secrets and dreams. Also, thank you for keeping my crown safe behind you.

I’m thankful for the place where I’ve been now. You know, in order to be there I needed to get out of the box of cozy homey zone. Then once I got out, no savannah I saw first but the field of mines. By no less careful I stepped on one of it, and BOOM! All of sudden I’m in the midst of people I love to be with and doing things which my passion are on it. Whooyay! To get out of the box was hard, to have unhoped-for expectation was hurt, and to step on a mine was hell. But without those all, the years of unproductive life would still counting. So lift up our glass for the falls and enjoy the red wine!

I’m thankful for the world most loved yet most hated book for daily feeding me. Thank you for bundling the love letters from my Lover into one book. Your words gave meaning to the nothings. Cheers!

I’m thankful for HV. You’re my hoodie in the cold days. Thankful for who you are and all the way you are. Kathi nophi chisotja! 🙂

I’m thankful for my dream and gifts. Thank you for making me alive! Thank you for being the reason I wake up every morning. One thing I realized that you both are in deep fellowship. God is not a cruel master who gives a dream and not the gifts to reach it. 

The last but not least, I’m thankful for Jesus who went through the worst to have me back again. Thank You for being big so that I can dream big. I can rest assured in the undeniable facts that are (first) You can do anything, and (second) You love me. I don’t know what You’ve been doing, but You do; and it’s enough. 
So far that’s my gratitude list. Let me finish it with one of the ancient texts which its power never be less by age:
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”‭‭ 1 Thes‬ ‭5:18‬✨ 
* Before I once intendebd to do short-writing by only 140 characters. But I couldn’t stop typing :p 

Today the blessing was like shower! 🚿


The Formula of Grace: 2 Corinthians 4:17

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” 2 Corinthians 4:17

What a verse! 🙂

I was reading a book at that time. Of all the verses contained in the chapter I was reading, that verse has piqued my curiosity. I closed the book and I opened my Bible. I headed towards the address of the verse, read its full chapter, and compared it with different version and different language. Sounds hectic, doesn’t it? But that’s what I used to do when I figure out something—accumulating many perspectives. Somehow it works. And as I studied His word, He taught me 😉

I kept the doodles on my notes. ‘My notes’ means the place of things I won’t share with anybody. I have bad history about sharing. I admit that I’m not good at speaking. So my best way to testify God’s favor is by writing. But when I share it through writing, they said I was haughty. (Take a deep breath) I still can’t understand why to share God’s favor is counted as prideful deeds. That’s how my bad history shutting me down to share. However, today’s devotion has spoken the opposite. Let me write the part of contain here:

“…So how do you bear fruit when God tells you something? You pass it on. When God tells you something, the quickest way to let it bear fruit in your life is to tell somebody else what you just learned…

Hence, let me take heart. I would like to share what God has taught me no matter what they would say. Let the pharisees judge; let the Lord be glorified. I would like to share even if it only reaches one person. I pray that it will bless anyone who read this as it has blessed me. For God’s word never returns void.

Let us read that verse again, “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison”. 

At first I was thinking this verse was talking about the reward we would get as we’re being afflicted. But let’s see what the meaning of reward is. Collins English Dictionary defined ‘reward‘ as ‘something given or received in return for a deed or service rendered’. Well-defined. Reward is something we get in return for what we have done (paraphrase by me). So reward is supposed to be directly proportional to effort. Reward is kind of merited things.

Less reward = Less effort

More reward = More effort

Yet I found such an inequality in this verse. The equation was not balance. If this verse was true that’s spoken about reward, the equation should not be like that. It should be:

Light momentary affliction = Light momentary glory  (or)

Weight eternal affliction = Weight eternal glory

What does it mean? Did I say the Bible was wrong? NO. My understanding was. I was (or maybe, just maybe, you too) thinking this verse was about the reward of our affliction. But it’s not about it at all. This verse is about grace!

Let’s take a look back. The equation of this verse is:

Light momentary affliction = Weight eternal glory

In Linguistics, ‘light‘ is the opposite of ‘weight‘. Let’s say light is the negative and weight is the positive. And let’s bring it into Mathematics. The negative is x variable and the positive is x to the second power ().

So the equation of Reward is x = x, as well as x² = x². So, it also means x ≠ x²

But instead, the Bible said x = x²

Upside down much?

Let’s take a look again. Isn’t it unequal? Yes, it definitely is. But, doesn’t it how Grace works? It’s always been Grace who changes the () into the (=). And grace makes logic upside down.

The same goes well to us which were the sinners (x) who’s supposed to be unequaled () with the Kingdom (). But it was grace through Christ Jesus who came to die that has removed the slash crossed on the unequal symbol () so it became equal (=).

Let’s now open Collins English Dictionary again. One of the definitions said that ‘grace‘ is ‘an unmerited gift, favour, etc, granted by God’. Again, well-defined. The keyword is ‘unmerited‘. If one burger was worth for $5 do you think it’s merit to get one as you pay it for $5? Absolutely. But how if you got one and paid it by only $1? You would get high-five on the face by the oh-so-hot pan. If weight eternal glory was equaled by weight eternal affliction, do you think it’s merit to have it when you only experience light momentary affliction? No. It’s unmerited at all. That is grace.

And “…beyond all comparison.” ended that verse excellently. Isn’t it the adjective of grace?


Such an evidence: the doodles!

I’m not literally trying to look for formula. God’s favor’s immeasurable and indescribable. There’s no formula nor pattern for it. What I would like to share is that God’s favor was implied in this verse. It’s actually not about a reward for what we have done or have gone through, but it’s grace after all. And that grace’s what makes Matthew 11:30 makes sense. Thanks God for revealing. To God be the glory!


For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” John 1:16


What He does when we wait…(Guest post)

It’s an honor to be contributed in your blog! Thank you for inviting me to write on Kingspeech. To God alone be the glory! 🙂



Hi friends! This is a very special post. Today, I have asked my good

friend Meilisa from Living the Imposibilities blog to talk about waiting

on God.

I have spoken a lot on waiting and I like I always say,

“God makes us wait because He loves us”. Meilisa has

a revelation from God  about waiting  I believe you need to hear

as she has been waiting on God too….I am so glad I found Meilisa’s

blog. She is someone who loves the Lord and loves His word deeply.

Her love for God and His word bleeds profusely through her posts.

I strongly encourage you to visit her blog. I believe

you will be blessed as I have been blessed. With that said,

Let’s get moving…..Meilisa, take it away! 😀


Waiting. What’s the first thing popped out in your mind when you hear that word? Some of you may sigh as the…

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Where is Your Faith?

One apprehension of mine for making blog is that there would be a long gap between the older post and the newer, and it’s just came to real! In point of fact, I have written my soon-to-be-posted post on April but it ended up in drafts tab. LOL. That’s how the long gap was made. Yet finally, with iced coffee and Keita, let’s cut this gap off! 🙂

My last post‘s about King And Beggar which emphasized what were I got from my quiet moment with God about His providence. And my friend Rolain beautifully said in his comment, “He will supply indeed. According to your faith let it be…” (as you read my blog, I encouraged you to read his blog if you wanna see how God pouring abundant wisdom into his writings). As you’ve read that, what do you expect on the next post? I bet you do expect for an extravagant supply from God in a form of thousands bucks. No wonder, since that was also what I expect. But what you’re gonna hear would overturn your expectation as they did mine.

The scholarship announcement was on the day. For them it’s work hour yet here it was sleeping hour. As my dad woke me up to drink me his green juice in early morning, so I woke up. Knowing that was the day, I checked my phone and indeed there was new email notification. I opened it with high expectation as I read the sentences that I was really waiting for. They offered me the grants! They granted me $2.600. It was a good testimony till I realize the fact.

In order to make student visa (F-1), you need one statement called Certificate of Eligibility (I-20) which one of the requirements is bank statement that show your sufficient fund for at least 1 year study in States. And based on my school calculation, it is $42.400. You need to have that amounts on your savings. That is the fact!

That crazy number kept running on my head and ruining everything. I had tried any possible way of fundraising. I worked till dawn, desperately prayed at dawn, and made so many efforts till dawn again. Till I realized that this amount was not human’s ability. I need to make visa 3 months prior to my term entry. How could I make $42.400 in single or couple months? Even if I worked without a break I would not make IDR 563.072.000 on my savings. Too many digits! That was insane!!

It brought me to the question: Should I cancel my study? Or in bold and frank: Does my dream stop here? 

What an early shattered birthday gift of mine.

I had moment where I put it on God’s hand, but then took it back to my hand and mourned it. And it repeated for so many times (even) in one single day! It made a day passed too long. And it also brought me to the thought: Should I directly go to the mission field right now? But I realized rather than fulfilling the calling, it’s just a way escape for me. From what? From the fact that I have to trust God fully that He can make a way for me. I don’t know why does it feel easier to do something than just be still and know that He is God.

Yesterday was a night when I completely gave it all to God. I did not give up, I give in to the place where the impossibility supposed to be, it’s God’s nail-pierced hands. To completely giving it all to Him was like giving all my breath and keep believing that I will be still alive.

But the ups and downs were still going…

It is today, when the battle between faith and doubt is still heating up on my mind. I try hard to look up to God but $42.400 blocks my sight. I sing praises but “visa… visa… visa…” also fills the air. What do I have to do? Thankfully by His riches of mercy, He asked me one single question through one book, that answers my doubt. (I have been always amazed by God’s intelligence in a way He answers the question with question, in Bible and/or daily life).

“Where is your faith?”

And He awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid.
Luke 8 : 24-25

The sea was quiet now. And there was just breeze enough to push the boat along. The disciples were quiet too. Andrew was steering. He had taken over for Peter, who sat wrapped in a cloak, exhausted and lost in thought. He had been soaked to the skin. A few others were bailing out the remaining water.

Jesus was sleeping again. 

James leaned on the bow gunwale watching reflections dance on gentle waves. James knew this sea. He and John had spent most of their lives on or in it. His father was a fisherman. So were most of his male kin and friends. His memory flashed the faces of some of them who had drowned in unpredictable Galilean windstorms like the one that had pummeled them barely a half hour ago. 

A seasoned boatman, James was not alarmed easily. But he  knew a man-eater when he saw it. This storm had opened its mouth to swallow them all into the abyss. Terror had been in John’s eyes when he grabbed James and  yelled, “We have to tell the Master!” They stumbled to the stern. How Jesus had remained sleeping while the furious surf tossed the boat around was itself a wonder. They woke him screaming, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” (v. 24).

James would never forget the way Jesus looked at him. His eyes were at once potent and tranquil. No trace of fear. Laying aside the blanket, Jesus rose to full height on the rear deck. James, fearing Jesus was about to be pitched overboard, reached to grab him just as Jesus shouted, “Peace! Be still!” (Mark 4:39).

No sooner had those words left his mouth and the wind was completely gone! The sudden hush of the howling was otherworldly. The waves immediately began to abate. Each disciple stood where he was, looking dumbfounded at the water and sky and each other. 

Jesus’s gaze lingered for a moment on the steep hills along the western shore. Then He looked around at the Twelve and said, “Where is your faith?” (v. 25).

He had looked right at James when He said “faith.” Now, as James leaned on the bow, he turned Jesus’s question over and over in his mind. “Where is your faith?” When Jesus first said it, James felt its intended rebuke. Didn’t he trust God? He thought he had. But the storm proved that all the confidence he felt when the pressure was off was fair-weather faith. The Galilean westerlies had swept it away. He felt chastened and humbled.

But the more James thought about the question, the deeper it dug into him. “Where is your faith?” Where? My faith is in what I see. My faith is in what I feel. When the storm hit, I trusted what my eyes saw. I trusted what my skin felt. I trusted the violent force that was tossing the boat like a toy. I trusted the stories told by my father. I trusted the tragedies I remember. I trusted the power of the storm because storms kill people.

Is that wrong? Up until a few minutes before, this would have merely seemed like common sense. But Jesus had changed everything.

James looked back to the sleeping Jesus. He looked almost the same as when the storm was raging. But which had looked more powerful then? What his eyes saw. But which really was more powerful? Jesus had killed the killer storm with a word

James felt fear wash over him again. But it was a very different kind of fear. He thought, “Who then is this?” (v. 25). 

As James looked back down at the water, the psalmist’s words came to mind:

For I know that the LORD is great,
and that our LORD is above all gods.
Whatever the LORD pleases, He does,
in heaven and on earth,
in the seas and all deeps.
He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth,
who makes lightnings for the rain
and brings forth the wind from his storehouses.
(Ps. 135:5–7)

James trembled. 


Didn’t he trust God? He thought he had.” The same line goes to me, “Didn’t I trust God?” Why had this storm shaken me? Why is faith and doubt still fighting?  I thought I had trusted Him.

“Where is your faith?”

This question, has highlighted what I actually didn’t have. Faith. I might have faith, but it’s just like the author said, fair-weather faith. It doesn’t work when the thunders roar. It doesn’t allow me to sleep in the storm. I need more faith. A furious-surf faith. I wonder how huge the mustard seed is.

As it’s also written there, “This storm was a gift from God to them because it taught them just how powerful Jesus was and deepened their faith in Him. And it prepared them to weather other, even more deadly kinds of storms that lay ahead of them.” so it has encouraged me and changed the paradigm of mine. I am now thankful for what I am facing. It’s like a free entry of the classy gym where I can train my faith biceps. Hereinafter, He mercifully flashed me back to the past impossibilities that by the grace I had passed it all. I put the Letter of Acceptance, which is one of its proof, on my hands as the whisper softly said, “As you had trusted Me in completing the application, will you trust Me in funding your study?

I could not answer in words. His compassion has drowned me too deep.

My tears completely understood how miraculous was the way that paper could be on my hands right now. It was when the world and the fact said NO but only God said YES. And that’s how the Letter of Acceptance could be sent to my house. I see that impossibility comes before miracle. Impossibility is like blank canvas in front of our face. It is our choice to give it to God and let Him paint His masterpiece on it, or to mourn for the absence of colors on it.

November 24, 2015. It’s when I was struggling with the application. I wrote what John Piper said that God’s not looking for people to work for Him. He’s looking for people who let Him work for them. God shows His power of His glory by working for people who wait for Him. We get help, God gets glory. “I’m not the kind of God who needs you, or depends on you. But I’m totally there for those who would trust Me.”

I’m thankful for who He is. He came not to be served nor to get slaves, but to SERVE and to GIVE His life as ransom for many. Now I wholeheartedly let myself be helped by God by trusting Him, again. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but I trust in the name of the LORD my God. And finally, I will keep declaring this verse till it comes to reality: I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied… Phil 4:18.

Let You be glorified through this storm! 🙂



I drew it very long time ago. Though it’s not a really good drawing, but I always get encouraged every time I see this. Let this simple illustration encourages you too, to trust God more! 🙂

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King And Beggar

“In the middle of cold dark night

In the middle it’ll be all right

I will be there, I will be there

And if pain is the ocean you are swimming in

You can rest assured that I’ll be divin’ in…”


That was the hum in my mind while I was writing this post. It’s Jimmy Needham‘s song and has encouraged me. I feel God is near somehow by music. Or maybe it’s just me who like music? Yet whatever it is, as a matter of fact God is exactly near to us with or without music.

I was not in the good condition. I have been treated unfairly by my colleagues. It’s kinda dolorous. The funny thing is no matter how strong I performed myself in front of them, I always end up blown up in the presence of God. Like a crybaby whines to her daddy telling her doll has stolen, so did I crying my heart out to God about all things happened. But then His soft whisper has calmed my heavy bitter tears storm, “Don’t hate those who envy you. They just don’t have what you have.” At first I was like, “What?“. So the root of the way they treated me bad is envy? What a distress tree that envy produces. Funny. I don’t even have anything to be envied of. The thing they should envy of me is actually still knocking on their heart. That’s the only thing I boast in.

I’m not gonna share about that story. I finished it by trying to forgive them and let not myself hurt by their folly deeds. And Holy Spirit enabled me! I believe that in the living of this unjust world, God is not blind. Rather, His eyes of justice abide forever.

I’m gonna share a story about King and Beggar.

Once upon a time there was a beggar sitting by the roadside. He’s paralyze and alone. His job was begging for mercy in the form of penny from people who crossed the street. One penny is enough. It’s like a piece of winter’s bread to his frozen tummy. Afterwards, a well-known King who was walking down the street saw the beggar and came near to him. He looked into the beggar’s eyes deeply yet not sharply. He dived into his pocket and took out a handful of greenback. He placed it into beggar’s palms and smiled. “May the God bless you.” said him as He left the beggar. But the beggar pulled his robe and bowed his head with his face to the ground. “What is this, lord? Never in my life have I saw it or even touched it. People usually give me penny and I’m used to live with that. I don’t deserve this. I only deserve a penny.” Then the King got down and put his hand on beggar’s shoulder, “People may give you according to their riches and that’s why you got penny. But I, according to my riches and fame, give this to you. It’s not about the receiver that determines, but the giver. You may think you deserve a penny, but you will not ever get a penny from a King.

Well, that might be a parable of Philippians 4:19. My God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. It’s goofy to think that God who created the universe and owned all things will supply you according to what you deserve? If it was yes, then what about His fame? Or His glory? In the matter of giving, God’s name is at stake. You will not ever get an ‘enough’ from God. You’ll get the ‘abundant’ instead! It’s still according to His glory. How about according to His steadfast love? And according to His mercy? Gosh, we’re not gonna be lack of anything in Jesus!

I have been learning to trust God wholeheartedly. I want more to experience God’s name which Jehovah Jireh is. Yet it’s difficult when worries strike. There was a moment when Mr. Worry had banged my mind up so hard. He showed me amount of my savings which is zero while I had so many payments to be paid. I could honestly say that it shook my faith. But thankful that He sustained me and would never permit me to be moved. Again and again He whispered me, “read Philippians 4“.

I was so sure to think that God would remind me the verse of Philippians 4:19 (my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus). But actually He didn’t. It’s one verse before it instead.

Philippians 4:18, I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God.

I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied.” That’s what I highlighted. That’s particularly what God wanted me to know. I was like “Oh! Pardon me for being wiseacre. I know nothing.” I’ve never noticed that verse before.

I just knew that my school doesn’t have full tuition scholarship to incoming students of MAICS. I feel completely at sea. And been wondering what will become of me next. But that verse has spoken a lot to this circumstance. It became a strong shield of faith in the battle. I’m thankful for God’s faithfulness through that verse given. Praise God!spar

“He will supply…

He will supply…

Jesus said that He will supply…”



To those who have read this post, please support my upcoming study through your prayer. I would love it! :))