April | 2015 | Living The Impossibilities

Again, I had an intricate time to write the prologue of this writing since the conclusion in epilogue has been running in my head. As usual the first is always the hardest, right? So let me take it slowly by offering a testimony.

It’s several years ago, there’s a preacher who preached about humility. I was so naive—I saw it’s good, I was interested, I wanted it. “God, give me a humble heart, I want it,” asked me to God like I asked cookies from my mom. No doubt, no question, just ask. The very next day, I didn’t believe what just happened. The people I met insulted me! They put their harsh words in every way I do, even for a simple thing. The way I walk, the things I’ve made, my appearance, were wrong in their view. There were so many flouts thrown to me. I know sometimes people mock me too for jokes or for their personality, but this is totally unusual and contrast! I could feel the difference. I was like waking up and being in the marked date on calendar “Humiliating Meilisa Day” with slogan “humiliate her in everything she does, you’ll get reward!”.

Everybody can hold the fort on “Humiliating Meilisa Day” except Meilisa. And you know what is the ridiculous thing about that day? That day doesn’t end in one night. But those days brought me to my knees. In my sleepless night I cried out to God. I told Him how they turned my heart into a welcome mat. I told Him how I suffer in silence. I told Him the way they turned my ears into trash bag of their selfish satisfactions. I asked Him how could flaws be sin in their eyes. I asked Him am I that bad. I questioned Him my questions. But He replied me in sentences I’ve never thought, “Child, your request has been granted. You once asked me for giving you a humble heart. Here’s for you, a way to humble heart.” The case’s closed. The question’s answered. The prayer’s granted. By that encounter, my eyes had been wide opened. I even threw down the gauntlet to the scoffer, “come and mock me, I will thank you” till I realized the “Humiliating Meilisa Day” was removed from calendar.

God didn’t answer my prayer by giving me a box containing a humble heart. He answered me by giving a way to get it. Quizzical, right? Also, I have once asked Him to give me an ability to love my boyfie with God’s unconditional love, and what happened is my boyfie did something that hurts me instead. But it brought me to the thing I once asked for. He’s been enabled me to see people in the way He sees. And also I have requested Him an amount of money for my needs, and guess, what happened is job loss. And there are more other prayers with the bizarre answer that makes me wonder, “O lovely Father, are you kidding me?”

I see the way God answers prayer is humorous. It’s also unpredictable that sometimes makes us think ‘am I praying wrong?’. But if we talk about prayer, indeed we will talk about miracle. And if we talked about miracle, undoubtedly we will talk about trials too. I noticed that there are three stages of circumstance based on my experience: (1) I pray, (2) trials come, (3) miracle happens. The plot can be (1)-(2)-(3) and somehow (2)-(1)-(3). The question is “why there should be a second stage: trials?“

I honestly do not know the truly answer is, but we all know in everything there is a process. A fetus needs 9 months process prior to be a baby. Rainbow comes after rain. Salvation is available after crucifixion. Sometimes we all wonder if God could create a baby or rainbow in a blink of eye, or could God skip the second stage? Yes, He could, but He would not. That is not the way God works. Our God is God who appreciates process. Trials are process, we should appreciate it like He does. I’ve once thought, if He always gives me what I want without process, what would it be? The humble heart would be something usual, the money would be just money, the baby would be just a baby, and the rainbow would be just a mixed colors without value. I realize, it’s actually trial that makes the miracles worth it. And how can there be a winner if there’s no battle? God had known it before. “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Jobs 23:10 NIV)” Furthermore, process is time for God to reshape us to make us ready and steady to receive the miracle. Because the gift of God is not limited, but it is our limited acceptance.

If now you are praying but trial comes instead of miracle, or begging for breakthrough but misadventure comes instead, just believe, God has answered your prayer! When you think you’re in second stage, rejoice, He’s already answered your prayer! Day by day, matter by matter, season by season, and triumph by triumph, we will know that the way God answers is way maturer than we thought. He won’t just give, He also teaches. Right now I’m writing not in the third stage so I can encourage the readers, but I’m in the second stage. I am asking Him for the success, but He allowed me to be in failure—in so many failures. This stage may exhaust us or drain our faith. But hold on, know that God has already answered your prayer! If you’re going through affliction, just keep going. In my struggle time He said to me,“Enjoy the peace of mind in the middle of the certainty that all goes wrong I get it straight.”. That message is for you too.

Soli deo gloria!